haven't been writing here for long. it's been quite a while and lots of things happening...

just a day before christmas was my first real experience in the doctor. my whole body was in a cramps. i was shocked. never in my life i felt so sick like that day. and that was the beginning of my beginning to feel weak days. hiks.

it turned out that my body was in a state where it content of potassium in my body was so low that i feel so easily tired. i almost thought that something is wrong with my heart. i was so afraid that i got heart attack. and that is soooo bad.

i have so many things in life i wanna do. so dreams i really wish i could reach. and that day was the first day that i gave up all my dreams to God. i always know that i have to involve God in whatever i do. to ask God for His permission in every plan i have in mind. but that day, i begin to really know that i was too independent on what i can do that i started to depend on my self, on my own ability and forget about a greater power that is God's.

after the first sick days, i felt that my independency begins to fade away. i started to be too dependent on the people around me, in which i never be.

i don't wanna be alone in house, i don't want to drive alone specially because i once had a panic attack that my sister and her husband had to pick me up so far away in the middle of the night. that day i felt that my heart was about to stop and i was about to die. but i didn't. thank God. He still gives me more opportunities. :)

anyway. now. because of my dependency, i really don't wanna be all alone if i had to face the doctor. i am sooooo scared actually to find the result.

my mom was supposed to take me to the doctor. but she has this bible thing that she don't want to miss. so i thought that my sister would take me to the doctor. but then, she is sick for her pregnancy. and there i am. feeling disappointed that nobody seem to care for me. hiks.

actually, i have to go to the doctor right now. my body is not really good now. i felt something right under my left breast and also my upper breast near the upper arm. i really want to check it out. to find out what's wrong with me. sometimes i feel at puncture in some of my body part. i really hope it's just a gastric problem. and nothing more.

specially because i will be on a trip to Bangkok, Macau and Hong kong with Lita and Dika. i really wish i could come along. i wanna go there. meet the people there. specially because Mom said that my future husband will be someone from China. which is the kind of race i like. :P

so tomorrow morning it is. i will go to see the doctor... Tomorrow.

i hope i'm fine.