16 februari 2013

Valentine's day is just over yesterday. As usual, im still all by my self. Sad as it is. But im used to it. hehe

These couple of days i realize it is really not easy for me to mingle with everything or everybody. I keep feeling that there's this wall that at first i thought it was built by those surround me, but it turns out it was me all along. 

Yes, i am such a sensitive person, but im also a hard one. A hard to be with one. May not realize it or just realize it now, but i like to push people away from me. Im so easily bored with one. And so not easy to be pleased. I like to say no, almost to everything. Well, if i dont say it, at least my mind would reject it. Specially if i think the things wont fit me well. 

And all those things i wrote are absolutely BAD.

Yesterday i realize how smart i am. And i think thats why not many people could understand me well. And may be thats why i dont fit in with too many people.

Well i many times am harsh on people, specially those that doesnt fit me well. Those that i think wouldnt understand me. And those who likes to pretend.

But then, today i realize that i am not perfect in everything. I still have to learn always. I still have to listen all the time. I still have to sit thight and and smile at the things that i dont like. I still have to understand many things. To keep my heart calm so that i can speak fluently, wisely, smartly, and understandable.

I still need friends and someone...

And today i realize, i will make that movement. To be the first party to act and think soberly. To kick all those negative thoughts and refresh things. Swallow those bad things, keeping myself quiet and just do it.

Say yes to everything without thinking.

Because it is okay to say yes to everything. And that includes the dirty jobs.