hallo fey...

udah lama banget gak ngobrol. kemaren gue liat elo online, terus gue sapa tapi sepertinya elo tidur ato tidak ada ditempat. :)

about your problem, gue pastinya gak bakalan cerita sama nyokap ato bokap lo. lebih tepatnya karena gue udah lama banget gak ketemu sama mereka juga. ke gereja aja gue jarang buanget. hehehhe. akhir-akhir ini gue dapet program keluar kota. jadi paling gak 2 minggu sekali gue di luar kota, jadi gak sempet ke gereja ato kemana-mana. kasian juga siy gue...

gue doain semoga masalah lo segera selesai. namanya juga komunikasi, seharusnya siy komunikasi itu dua arah. tapi kalo jadi satu arah, mo diapain lagi. mengerti aja.kalo mereka maunya dimengerti doang, ya mo diapain lagi. mudah-mudahan aja Tuhan segera kasi jalan keluar buat elo. misalnya elo bisa segera dapet kerjaan. jadi duit elo cukup untuk nyewa apartemen elo sendiri. siapa tau kan?? Tuhan kan bekerja di jalannya sendiri. kita bisa aja gak tau gimana cara kerjanya. hehehehe.

kabar gue selain sekarang gue sering sibuk dan keluar kota, gue sedih. seperti biasa cuma satu orang yang bisa bikin gue sedih. gue gak perlu tulis kayanya namanya. ;)
gue gak tau alasannya kenapa dia kayanya tiba-tiba banget tinggalin gue. gue masih pengen deket sama dia. apalagi kalo gue lagi libur. biasanya wiken. gue sedih banget. gue selalu inget dia. bahkan kalo gue baru mendarat dari luar kota, balik ke jakarta, yang gue inget cuma satu orang. gue bahkan gak inget orang2 di rumah gue yang udah jarang gue liat sekarang.
kalo gue berdoa, cuma satu orang yang gak pernah lewat gue doain. gue bahkan bisa lupa doain keluarga gue, bonyok gue. tapi gue gak pernah lupa doain dia. gue bahkan mention namanya kalo gue berdoa makan.

gue cuma ngomong sama elo aja niy fey...
gak pernah gue ngomong sama siapapun.
I NEED HELP!
I need to forget him!
i tried my best... but the memories remains. i really don't know how to erase it. i don't know how to erase him in my life...
he's the first thing that pop in my head every morning when i wake up. he's the last thing that stays in my head, when i am about to sleep.

I NEED HELP!

fey...thanks for even read it.

love you!

PS: please pray for me. gue pengen banget cari kerjaan baru. gue pengen ngelamar lagi ke advertising company. tolong doain gue supaya gue bisa diterima dan segera keluar.gue pikir, kalo tuhan gak kasih gue dia...paling gak tuhan kasih gue mimpi gue.

thanks

finally realize that i'm such a desperate woman. and not yet a desperate housewife. hehehehe.

i talked to my chatting friend, which is a friend of P, and he said it clearly that i need to be pitied... poor me!
he said, according to his conservative idea, a woman should not expose her feeling to anyone openly. and it surely not me his idea of a conservative woman. i expose my feelings openly on the net. people know for sure how i long for the one. how i love the guy... how i am one devastated woman now! :(

i think about what he said alot. he has succeed in changing my mind of reaching him. and i have to say that it is just another sign that i should stop having expectation of him. i should by now try to heal my wound and get a life... coz i sure don't think i'm alive now!

what if he really read it??
what if he thinks the way my friend thinks??

well, i gotta stop the idea. coz i gotta stop anyway...
coz if he really wants me, he should be catching me now. he should try more than just a sms to reach me...

just like the ending of my book 'can you keep a secret'...
i wanted to end that way...
i really do!

btw, last night, i dreamt of him messenging me. he was asking of how i was doing.
lama-lama gue curiga. semua mimpi gue itu kayanya bukan karena orang yang ada di mimpi gue yang mengirimkan pesan, tapi lebih karena gue sangat menginginkannya terjadi. gue-lah yang sebenarnya ingin melakukannya...
yang artinya gue belom sembuh juga.
hikshikshikss

saturday, 29 april 2006
12.20 pm

i am reading 'can you keep a secret' from sophie kinsella. easy book. coz everytime you turn the page, you'll know what the end would be. but... it's an entertaining book. i love reading it! especially when i'm on the plane. i can't help myself giggling. my friends thought i'm crazy. (well, i don't say i am not! hehehe)

i'm in love with books now. it helps me escape reality, eventhough it's just for a moment. you know, everytime i read one book, i always feel i'm the role model, the main cast myself. i imagine myself to be the person that i'm reading. hehehehe.
there was even times when i couldn't remember in which world i was in, although it was just a split seconds. segitunya yah gue! ;)

but to be honest, when i was a child, when all i was reading was only comic books and majalah bobo, i always think that i was a princess waiting to be rescued by my prince charming.
and the thought stays till now. i'm imagining myself as a girl waiting to be rescued by my prince charming. and after i am rescued, i'd be delighted to run meeting his stretched arms...

and i sure wish the dream comes true!

PS:
last nite, it was my turn to dream of him. i dream that he's calling me...

calling
Flexi ****

emangnya dia punya flexi...
dasar mimpi!