my... my... my...

enough for the bull shit. enough lying to myself. i finally be able to confront myself that i'm pathetic. and, from now on i will no longer deny that i am still in love with him. hikshikshiks.

last sunday i finally went to church. i met a new friend there and of course my old friends. senangnya. just after i drove out of church, a friend called. it's a she. she was just conforming the reason why she wasn't able to come to the meeting we planned.
but she also brought news about him.

SURPRISE!

This friend of mine once introduce me to a guy. a young teenage who said he likes me. i did not really pay attention to him actually. he is not my type.
anyway, she said this guy found my blog address, and i guess after reading my posts, he felt sorry for me because i am sooo drowned into him. he said he is not the kind of guy to be wait upon. and why is that??
because he's now his friend! wow!!!

i guess he knows it better than me. i haven't met the guy in 3 years now. hikshiks. he must have changed alot. and that change must not be towards me.
hikshikshiks.

anyway, what my friend told me that sunday afternoon really shocked me and took me back to the ground.
i am always trying to let him go. to forget about him. to be able to open myself to someone new. someone who would make my life livelier. and so far, i am still stuck, because i am still falling for him.

i really-really-really need to let him go.
and yet i am really-really-really still into him.

what a contradiction...